Dragon Ball Fanon Wiki Short Story Contest: July 2012
For the fifth short story contest on the wiki, the story idea is: *'Write a short story (less than 2000 words) about before or after his movie. Feel free to expand on his character in any way you see fit. ' *'The winner of this contest will receive a special prize.' *'Please post your submission for this contest directly on this page, and denote which one is yours by a property tag, done by typing .' *'Please do not add pictures to the submission, as it will only clutter the page.' *'The due date for submissions is July 30th.' *'Have fun and good luck!' 'A Konatsian Family Reunion' Note: This story takes place in a universe where Hirudegarn did not exist. Tapion was on his way to his mother’s house for the first time in a year. This was the norm on Konats, where adults were only supposed to visit their parents once a year. This day, known colloquially as “Parent’s Day”, was little more than a bore to people like Tapion, who held a self-sufficient job and found little use in their parents. Tapion was a Sales Engineer at a company called SouthLand, who specialized in the transportation of substances like diacetylmorphine and psilocybin. The business was booming, and it allowed Tapion to afford a residence and food. He felt no obligation to visit his parents. After a few minutes, Tapion had arrived at his parent’s residence. It was the same as when he had left it last, plain white and small, like the other houses on the block and in most of the town. He walked inside to find that he was the second child to arrive at the place, behind only Minotia. “Hello, Minotia. Glad to see you made it this time,” Tapion said, referencing an incident six years earlier where Minotia had overdosed on benzoylmethylecgonine and was unable to attend the get-together. Ever since then, Minotia had been trying to live the incident down, as missing Parent’s Day for any reason was widely frowned upon. Just then, Tapion’s older brother, Tapeohca, walked into the room. He was a veteran, who was living off an army-wife stipend and army pension. He was trying to make it as a painter, but many critics had described his work as too colorful and his painting, “A Different World” had been panned universally. The painting was of a giant monster getting slowly sealed into a music box; art critics referred to it as unrealistic and ridiculous. His painting of a white-skinned Konatsian had received minor media attention after it was burned by the National Arts Association. Before long, the remainder of Tapion’s siblings began strolling into the building. Sih, Orsor, Oray, Tapwaughta, Aughtin, and Saqves all entered before too long. The former four had entered the entertainment business by forming a sketch comedy group known as “Konats Up With That?” and the latter two had formed a legal firm known as “Aughtin and Saqves Legal Firm”. Minotia worked as a plumber. Before long, all of the family had sat down. As was the tradition, Tapion’s parents sat at the head of the table, with regal forks and mini-swords. Everybody had white plates. The steaks were made of minotaur meat this year, unlike the cows they had the year before. The minotaur meat tasted a bit expired, but that was to be expected, considering how inefficient the shipping company was. As part of a government mandate, companies were required to send all families an appropriate amount of food for each Parent’s Day. This year, the government had decided on minotaur meat. Tapion’s favorite part of dinner was bread. He used his sword to cut off a slice of butter and spread it across his rolls, licking the butter off the sword at the end. He put the sword back into his holster and ate a nice roll. “So, how’s the sketch comedy going?” Tapion asked, hoping to start a conversation. “Well, things have been better,” Oray replied, nonchalantly. “We’ve been running low on psilocybin lately, so a big part of our inspiration's gone. We tried cannabis, but it’s just not the same, really.” The family nodded in agreement. “If that’s your problem, I can probably help you out,” Tapion responded. “I’m in charge of psilocybin sales at my company, so I could probably get you a pretty steady supply of the product.” Tapion’s mother noticed that something was wrong. “Tapion, is something wrong, honey?” “Well, Mother, it’s just that I’ve really started to notice that I’m growing older. I just started losing my hair the other day, and I’m afraid that I might go bald before long.” “Oh, honey, that’s awful! Nobody should have to feel out of their prime. Here, baby, have some methamphetamine. That should make you feel better.” Tapion took the methamphetamine up his nose, because smoking it was considered uncivil in most cases. Other people were around and it would just be silly to force them to second hand smoke. The night continued as usual. The legal firm was not doing too well, and it seemed like they were going to have to hire a bankruptcy lawyer to help them pay off some debts. The comedy troupe was about to go on a Konats-wide tour, one of comedy’s highest honors. After they finished dinner, everybody engaged in swordfighting. The final two left were Minotia and Tapeohca (Minotia had just beat Tapion in the semi-finals), and everyone laughed when Minotia cut off Tapeohca’s hand. Tapeohca, however, managed to stab Minotia in the chest, ending the battle. Tapwaughta then took Minotia to the hospital, while Tapion’s father helped Tapeohca reattach his hand. Before long, Tapwaughta and Minotia returned, and the family had a delicious desert. After the nice night, everyone decided it was time to head home. Orsah, Oray, Sih, and Tapwaughta all hopped upon the “Konats Up With That?” tour bus and headed back to their apartment. Aughtin, Saqves, and Tapeohca decided to stay the night at their parent’s house. Tapion started walking back to his house. He thought about the wonderful time he had that night and realized that, even if he was growing older, family was always there to help him out. Author’s Note: On Konats, drugs are legal and everyone carries around swords always. That’s why everyone is so unsurprised when Tapeohca stabs Minotia in the chest. Also, the culture is very different there. Word count: 963 Writing Quality: | 24 out of 30| Entertainment Value: |15 out of 20| Relation to Core Idea: |2 out of 20| Quality of Plot: |4 out of 30| Final Score: 45/100 Final Thoughts: This story is generally well-written. There is only a slight feeling of awkwardness, and lack of flow, which barely hampers the story. The main problem is the actual story, though. The culture itself is just like Earth's (except if everyone was from Bethel Island), and there is nothing culturally unique or significant within it. The obsession with drugs is pretty OOC to the characters (even if it is alternate timeline), and the ending was lacking for having any purpose whatsoever. The comedy was nice enough, but there was no substance beyond it which was disappointing. Tapion's Story I was unbelievably amazed. Konats was lit up in fireworks. Everyone was celebrating the capture of Hirudegarn, the giant creature. It was unbelievable. Yesterday, the world lived in fear. Today, because of me and my brother Minotia, the world is in celebration. Hirudegarn. Just hearing the name makes me shudder. He was revived by the Kashvar dark magicians. He was a statue. Everything would have been fine. He wouldn't have almost destroyed our planet if I had stopped them. I was just walking home from a day out, and I saw a magician stealing a scroll from the market. I decided not to stop him, because I thought that the scroll wasn't important. Me and Minotia were heroes that day. We had enough of Hirudegarn, so we ventured out with our Hero's Flutes. We played them, and played them to keep him at bay. It seemed like it would never end. We were trying to keep him at bay, but we were getting weaker. Then, a miracle wizard came in and sliced Hirudegarn in half! I have no idea how he did it, but that sword just sliced Hirudegarn in two! It was amazing. The three of us were heroes. I have trapped Hirudegarn's lower half in my body, and Minotia trapped the upper half. Now, we were being sent off in music boxes. Me to Earth, and Minotia to Planet Kishma. I was told beforehand what would happen, and I agreed. Minotia agreed as well, and we were due to be locked in today. Unbelievable. Me, in a small little music box. I just hope that one of the Kashvar magicians don't find me. The Kashvar can be very persuasive. Especially that little Hoi. He has a way with words. I walked down the alley to the magician's home. He should be living the life, like me. But, I will not be living the life very long either. The box will confine me, trap me. I wonder how Minotia feels. But he's been sent off already, and I will be the hardest to send off. The magician hates me. He is sending me off for the good of the planet. He just loathes me for getting all of the attention. I tried to apologize, to no avail. I hate myself, and I hate the music box. It is now time for me to leave. I will lose track of time and space in that box, but I don't care. It is for the good of the planet. Word Count: 417. Writing Quality: |5 out of 30| Entertainment Value: |10 out of 20| Relation to Core Idea: |20 out of 20| Quality of Plot: |10 out of 30| Final Score: 45/100 Final Thoughts: This story isn't written all that well. But it's on topic, and I like that it is psychological from after the defeat of Hirudegarn, but before the movie. That said, the story was still rushed and felt like it didn't get much effort put into it. I mean, there was a whole month to write this, so contest entry should not feel rushed or quickly written. That greatly hindered this. I'm sure if it was written out slower and with more care, this would have won. The Solace of the Void When does time begin and when does it begin? How long have I been in here? Is anyone left? Can the monster escape? These were only some of the questions that whipped around the brain of the mohawked being who sat in the blankness that made up the music box. Well, it wasn't entirely blankness. If the being stretched out his hand far enough, he would touch an invisible wall, and light would, for a brief, fleeting instant, flicker across the surface. If the being rolled onto his back, looking up at the blackness that he assumed was the ceiling, he could occasionally see a flicker of light. Or was it his imagination? The being had no idea how long he had been in this hell. All he could remember was the moment he was actually pulled into it, the vaccuum feeling, the monster inside him squirming uncomfortably. Speaking of the monster inside him, as the being thought these thoughts, a wave of pain rolled over him. He groaned and rolled over. He could feel it, moving slowly, shifting around. "Leave me alone," he groaned, "I don't want this, I don't-" But the monster doesn't listen. Instead, it continues to move with increasing vigor, struggling to rip out, to tear, to kill, to destroy. The being grabs his chest and struggles, almost crying out. Oh, what he would give for this pain to leave him... but then, all would be lost. And then, suddenly as it began, the pain leaves. The being lays on the floor... and begins to cry. Word Count: 262 Writing Quality: |20 out of 30| Entertainment Value: |12 out of 20| Relation to Core Idea: |20 out of 20| Quality of Plot: |14 out of 30| Final Score: 66/100 Final Thoughts: Generally well-written, this fic is. However, the tense changes throughout lost 6 points from the writing quality section alone. The shortness also hinders the story in that we don't get too much of a picture of what is actually happening. Still, this story was okay. The plot was character-based, and while it wasn't completely accurate, I liked how Tapion had to endure Hirudegarn throughout his imprisonment. That part was very clever, boy. Tapion: Life Before Sealing This story, Tapion: Life Before Sealing, is told from the point-of-view of Tapion. It follows a portion of his life and the attack of Hirudegarn. I was just a regular Konatsian, living with my parents and a brother, Minotia. We had a good life; we were at peace for centuries. No war, no poverty, just peace in our world. I thought we’d live like this for generations to come. Boy was I wrong…….. I was at the dinner table with my family. “Tapion!” my brother, Minotia said, smiling. “Let’s go train now!” “Now, now, Minotia” my mother said. “You didn’t even finish your food!” “Oh, it’s okay!” my father said. “But you have to finish later, okay Minotia?” “Yes!” Minotia replied, excitedly. He grabbed my arm sternly. “Come on! Let’s go!” “Ow, that hurts!” I said. “I’m sorry!” he apologized. “Now can we go? PLEASE!?” “Alright, alright!’ I said as he pulled me outside. “Now,” he said as he got in his stance, “come on!” “You asked for it,” I said, as I got in my fighting stance. We started battling. It was obvious that I was better, but he didn’t give up. I kicked him back, but not too far. He got up and landed a punch in my face. I was surprised how much better he got. He started hitting me with a barrage of blows. I decided to stop kidding around. I punched him straight in his face. “Ugh!” he said as he was sent flying and landed on the floor hard. “Oh no!” I said as I realized what I have done. I rushed to him. He was bleeding from his nose. “Are you okay?” I asked, really worried. He got up. “I’m fine,” Minotia said. “I got you good, didn’t I?” he asked, smiling. I couldn’t believe a kid like him could be so enthusiastic after such a punch. I smiled as well. I woke up early the next morning. My parents and Minotia were sound asleep. I decided to wake up Minotia. “Huh…” he said, waking up, he was very tired. “Tapion, what’s up?” “Get up, Minotia,” I cried. “We’re going somewhere. But don’t wake up mom and dad.” “Uh, okay,” he agreed. We left in about 30 earth minutes. Where are we going, Tapion?” Minotia asked, curiously. We were walking, almost where I wanted us to go. “You’ll see,” I said. He got a little upset. “Fine……” he said. In a couple of more minutes we arrived. It was a beautiful place. It had a large waterfall, with chirping birds and luscious healthy grass on the floor. A peaceful place, indeed… “Wow,” Minotia said. “This place is nice. It makes me feel… calm.” He sat on the grass. “That’s what it’s supposed to do,” I said as I sat on the grass next to him. “This is a very sacred place. It’s supposed to bring people closer together.” “But, we’re already close,” Minotia said. “Yes, but I want us to be even closer than that. I wanted you to understand life, and its wonders.” “Yeah,” Minotia said, relaxed. “You know what, Tapion?” Minotia asked. “Yeah?” I asked him “I will always love you,” he said as he laid on my shoulder. He closed his eyes and fell asleep. “I love you too, kid,” I said, softly. I eventually fell asleep, too. A few hours later, Minotia and I heard an explosion that woke us up. “What’s going on?” Minotia asked as he woke up. We heard people screaming. “That sounds like trouble,” I said seriously. “Let’s go!” We quickly ran. There he was, the biggest thing I’ve ever seen. Hirudegarn, destroying our planet! “Oh no!” I shouted. “Wait!” Minotia said. “MOM AND DAD!!!” I gasped. We quickly ran to our house. It was completely destroyed. Rubble all over. “Mom and dad didn’t leave the house…” Minotia said with his voice shaking. “Mom and dad…” I said. “Dammit!” Minotia had a serious face. “We must continue moving,” he said, walking away. “Minotia…” I said. “Are you okay…?” He didn’t reply as he continued walking. I followed him. “Hey!” somebody said. He was a Wizard, a powerful warrior of our race. “Everybody follow me!” He led everybody into a basement, including Minotia and I. Minotia still had that serious face on, and it worried me. “That giant beast is Hirudegarn,” the Wizard said. “An evil race of magicians called the Kashvar, have brought Hirudegarn back. I have found a few weapons to fight back the beast. We need people to volunteer to help defeat the beast.” There was fear in the air. All I heard was “I’m not going anywhere near that beast” or “There’s no way I’m volunteering”. “I volunteer,” I finally said. “But we need a third person,” the Wizard said. “I volunteer, too,” Minotia said, still wearing that serious face. “No, Minotia!” I said. “Stay put!” “That thing killed our parents!” Minotia said, angrily, “I’m not staying put!” I couldn’t say anything, but the Wizard agreed. “The rest of you, stay here,” the Wizard said. He grabbed the sword, and gave Minotia and I the two ocarinas. He left the basement. “Come on,” guys!” he said to us. “Let’s go, Minotia,” I said. “Minotia?” His back was facing me. When I turned him around, he was in tears. “Minotia…?” I stuttered. “Why did it have to get mom and dad?” he asked, crying. “Why?” I hugged him. “It’s okay,” I said, but I knew it wasn’t okay. “We have to do this, for mom and dad, alright?” He dried his tears and said “Okay.” We left the basement. Hirudegarn was still destroying the lands. “Ready?” I asked Minotia. “Ready,” he replied. My lips touched the ocarina. The music was so beautiful. How could such soothing music make a beast so angry? The Wizard charged and sliced Hirudegarn in half. It seemed it was over, but it was still moving around. The Wizard finally sealed the upper half in me and the lower half in Minotia. We went back to the basement. He made everybody leave. “I thank you two for your bravery,” the Wizard said. “I must seal you two in different music boxes, so the Kashvar don’t get their hands on you.” I looked at Minotia. “So this is good-bye” Minotia asked, sadly. “I guess it is,” I said. “But remember Minotia, I will always love you.” I hugged him. “I promise someday, I’ll find you, okay?” “Okay,” he said. The Wizard finally sealed us in the music boxes and put us in the opposite sides of the galaxy. That promise was one I couldn’t keep……….. Word count: 1101 Writing Quality: |5 out of 30| Entertainment Value: |10 out of 20| Relation to Core Idea: |15 out of 20| Quality of Plot: |10 out of 30| Final Score: 35/100 Firstly, this story is written very poorly. There is no separation between dialogue, making this a bloody mess to read through. The characters are OOC and have painful dialogue. The loving part made me think this was a lemon. The part at the end where they captured Hirudegarn was rushed to the point of absurdity and I hated that so much. Yes, it was on topic, and yes, it was slightly entertaining, but this was my least favorite fic so far. Tapion goes to Sleep Tapion woke up, he was still tired. He went back to sleep. The end. Word count: 14 Writing Quality: |15 out of 30| Entertainment Value: |20 out of 20| Relation to Core Idea: |10 out of 20| Quality of Plot: |2 out of 30| Final Score: 47/100 Final Thoughts: Short, sweet, and to the point. The writing quality was lowered because of the grammatical error in the first sentence. Being that the first sentence is half the story, I couldn't let that be overlooked. The plot itself is lacking, though accurate to what Tapion would do in that box of his. It should have more description, though, and loses a large amount of points because of that. I did get more entertainment out of this than the other stories so far. Category:Dragon Ball Fanon